“How could you do this to Marc?”

“You should be sweet to him.”

“You should not be ashamed of him.”

“You are really funny Rose.”

And a lot of reprimanding from my friends which I couldn’t put into my mind, nor have the time to list it on my notebook.

“Okay FINE! I swear! The next date between me and Marc will bring you to cloud nine.” I said, giving up on their unending sermons.

“You have to be sweet to him or else you wouldn’t be part of the free pizza.” Bea said.

“Sure! You have my word for it.” I said.

And I regretted it.

I immediately text my friends during my high school years: Kym, Liane and Gabee whom had years of experience with having a boyfriend and I asked them how to be sweet to a guy and other interesting topics to share.

During Housekeeping lecture, I even asked James for some advice and his advice were more reasonable; but unfortunately I followed Kym’s advice.

Which was the wrong thing to do.

At home, before the dare, I looked around if I have something to give to Marc, Kym said that sometimes lovers give small gifts to each other. I found a bracelet which I bought in remembrance of my first puppy love which was a basketball varsity during my elementary years. The bracelet was properly handmade through special knotting by me because the old thread gave up, the bracelet consists of three basketball beads. I thought that it would suit him because he is a basketball player.

We decided to resume the dare at a newly-opened mall at the north, we waited at a bookstore so that I could keep myself preoccupied of reading book summaries.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, surely this was Marc’s style of telling “Hi”.

“Hi babe.” He said.

“Hi babe – oh and I have something to give to you.” And then I immediately look for my little gift.

But I couldn’t find it anymore.

“uh… wait a sec..”

“mind if I help?” He asked.

“no thanks but-“ unfortunately he grabbed my bag to open it.

“it’s messy you know.” I said shyly.. oh gosh this is bad.

“Girl’s bags are always messy.” He said.

“I couldn’t – oh darn. It’s hopeless.. maybe I’ll give it to you later.” I said.

“Okay.”

We saw our friends looking at accessories in an establishment, I walked behind and resume to my gift searching. When Claire and Janelle found out what I am doing, they immediately grabbed my bag and look for it but lo and behold, the powers of the duo were very effective, they found my bracelet that was stuck beneath my cellphone.

I immediately gave to Marc and he wore it.

“Cool, basketball huh.”

“Yeah, that bracelet has been with me for so many years, I bought it in remembrance of my crush before, like you, he’s a basketball varsity in our school.”

“Who?”

“You don’t know him, I was in Grade School at that time.”

“Oh..haha.”

“And we have a problem.”

“What?”

“We have to be sweeter, Bea told me or else I’m out of the free pizza.”

“Seriously? Silly.”

“yeah.. but can you still do it?”

“Sure.. No problem.”

“uhh.. I think it’s the time for us to be sweet.” Then I immediately wrap my arm around his arm.

We walk around the mall and when I saw that they were out of nowhere, I got myself loose from our connection. We walked onwards until we realized they were really out of nowhere.

“I think they did this on purpose.” I said.

“Hey, why don’t you come with me?” He said, and he dragged me going to the department store. We talked little and I let him do his own window shopping, sometimes we sang along the store’s music from their speakers and he even showed me his dream Nike orange shoes.

Later on, we managed to meet up with them at a fastfood chain to eat dinner, I came up with plan: Me and Marc will feed each other with French fries. Marc agreed and I bought dinner and regular French fries, when me and my friends met and got ourselves busy eating dinner, Marc started to act on his own.

“Want some French fries babe?” and then he fed me, I complied and bite it.

Bea got really flustered and Janelle was laughing, Claire was in an awkward moment.

“Babe, do you want some ketchup?” and it’s my turn to feed him.

Looks like we succeeded.

Later on, we talked about having voter’s I.D and they looked at his driver’s license, I asked for his picture to be my remembrance and then I looked at him: he’s slouching and his eyes were tired, I looked at him and removed his eyeglasses then I wear it. If I had a boyfriend with eyeglasses, I would do the same.

“Woah, what grade?” I asked.

“Two.” He replied.

And then Janelle started sharing her jokes especially “BEAR” jokes.

“What is the name of the Bear place where people usually got vanished?” Janelle asked.

Marc, gave up easily.

“Bearmuda Triangle.” Janelle answered.

“Oh, Bermuda Triangle, you know what Marc, that place is so cool, there’s a mystery to it, you see the triangle is consist of Bermuda Tria-“ I stopped, Janelle just kicked me.

I forgot that on the list I wrote: Do not talk about trivias out of nowhere because he will think that I am a weirdo geek.

A weirdo geek.

I am a weirdo geek.

I am weird.

Weird.

There was a flashback, times when Yang told me how weird it is for me to say “Itadakimasu” before I eat lunch, that one time during highschool, a classmate of mine asked me what I’m laughing about and I said because what I read is funny and she said that I look crazy and weird while reading a funny novel alone.

“He’s so unlucky for you to have a crush on him.” An unknown texter said “You are weird, ugly, and obsessed with him, he looked at you like some sort of a plague that he has to avoid.”

I’m weird because I like to read national geographic and I like to share some trivias because that’s the only thing that I could say….and with so many things that people say to me, whether to my face or behind my back, made me realize how less I think of myself, that I don’t deserve to be loved, nor be appreciated by anybody, not be anyone’s company except my friends who are also weirdos.

Well back to reality.

I felt tears wringing up my eyes, I have to let this all out.

“excuse me Marc, I have to go..to the comfort room.”

“but, you have to pass through me first.”

“Please Marc.”

“oh. Okay.”

When I went inside the cubicle, I let it all out.

This is too much.

It’s hard to pretend to be someone that’s the opposite of myself just to please others. I gave up everything, I gave up my beloved Chuck Taylors, I forgot cosplaying, I tried to eat properly, I have to make sure that I wore a decent, and trendy outfit even if I want to wear pieces with laces and ribbons, or sometimes black shirts.

I just want to be me: the one who loves to read and share what I read about, the one who wears hats and sometimes be lady-like whenever I feel like it and a weirdo who shares trivias about history. But I have to go back and face the music, at least I know who I really am.. and finally express what I really am.

When I came back, they looked at me, it’s pretty obvious that I cried but I denied it whenever I can, I have “poker face” ability you know.

And then we decided to go home.